I've done what I came for

 

You may consider it in poor taste to post this, so please know I've thought of that, and elected to post in anyway, because I want to say this:

 

Sarah and Tyler just gave us this sketch (which Sarah did) with the note on the back side. What they express is what Tina and I have striven for our whole lives. It is THE driving force behind most of what we do. 

 

Those of you who know me well know that I'm very introspective, very hard on myself, and often have the concern I'm not quite walking in my calling to my full potential. I'm going to say it right here. I am almost 61 years of age. If I get run over by a truck today, I am leaving this earth without those concerns. 

 

There is certainly more that we want to do, but with this simple thank you note from our daughter and son-in-law, I have complete confidence that my life is complete. Thank you Sarah and Tyler.

 

 

Balance

 

Asher left for work on his motorcycle.  He needed to make to quick stop at his high school to drop of his borrowed laptop and calculus calculator.

Thirty minutes later, Tina answers the phone.  In a matter of seconds I could tell something wasn’t right.  Thought maybe Asher had broken down.  Then I realized it wasn’t Asher she was speaking to.

By the time she got off the phone, it was clear something had happened.  The information she was given was brief.  Asher had had a motorcycle accident in front of the school.  They thought he would be ok, but the ambulance was coming and may end up taking him to the hospital.  That was about the extent of the information.

Both of us quickly thought the worst, like he had collided with another vehicle either when turning into the school or coming out of the school.  The wording “thought he would be o.k.” registered in my mind as “non-life threatening injuries”. 

“Where would they take him” was the first question out of my mouth.  Tina called the school right back and was told it would be Nanticoke Hospital.  We wondered how we would know whether to go to the school, or to head directly to the hospital. 

This state lasted about 3 minutes. I wouldn’t call it hysteria; it was more like a laser focus on how we were going to get to where our son was. 

Then Asher called.  He said he was o.k., described the situation, and told us we just needed to come get him and his bike.  We know our son well enough that this immediately put us at ease.  I hooked up the trailer, and we headed to the school.

It was a relatively minor event.  Asher was slowly turning into the drive to the school (they actually caught it on camera) and hit a small patch of unexpected sand on the asphalt.  The rear end slipped out in a heartbeat, and he ended up on the ground, under the bike.  The Sussex Central High School staff was fabulous.  They rushed to his aid immediately and watched as he got his wits about him in the nurse’s office  He had some scrapes, the bike had some scrapes, but overall, he and his bike will be fine.

It’s one of those things – one of those things that remind us of how quickly something can happen which could alter the future.  It is one of those things that remind us to appreciate every moment…one of those things that change us… one of those things we are thankful for because of the lessons learned.

Motorcycle riding is by nature much riskier than riding in car or truck. If you look at the statistics, it’s… well, you don’t even want to know.  It’s a choice made with known risks.  We let our boys make that choice with those known risks.  I ride myself. Why would we do that?  Would we rather our boys didn’t engage in such an activity? It isn’t that simple.

A life lived without taking any risks is not really living at all.  We take a risk when we choose a college major in the face of uncertainty.  We take a risk in practicing a sport when we may potentially be embarrassed by failure.  We take a risk in choosing a life partner. We take a risk in changing jobs.  We take a risk in buying a home and committing to pay a mortgage for the next 30 years.  A life without any risk is a life of not moving forward.  It’s not really a life at all.

Of course, there are ways to reduce risk, and those things we do do, and with a passion. At some point there is a balancing of the passion to live, and the passion to walk in wisdom. And that’s really the secret of life.  People choose different ways to go about it.  Maybe you lean on your faith in God, or maybe you lean on your faith in yourself. Personally, I’ve been disappointed in my own strength way too many times.

At the risk of making you feel like I’ve tricked you into a discussion about God, I’ll share this.  After the discussion of whether there is a God or not and Who that God is, comes what I’d say is the one of the most prevalent debates about faith – what does God do, and what do I do.  People fall all over the spectrum on this.  It would take me volumes to try to communicate where I’ve landed personally, and honestly, who really cares what I’ve concluded.

I’ll just say this.  I want my boys to walk in wisdom, to not be averse to taking risks, and to trust in God in the midst of doing that.  I want them to take risks, live well, and ride safe.

Asher's Gift to Us

 

 

Last night we stood on the football field after the ceremony, surrounded by people. The voice inside my head began to speak, as clear as it ever has.

 

Our long run with the Indian River School District had apparently come to an end. It had started back when our oldest daughter was in the fourth grade – about 16 years ago. She, her sister, and her brother had graduated already. Our last child, Asher, had just received his diploma.

 

Parent’s typically consider the great accomplishments of their children as they graduate. This certainly did not go unnoticed in Asher. He has a work ethic that is off the charts, and completely self-driven. At the risk of overlooking his accomplishments though, I’d like to consider not so much what he has done, but what he has given us.

 

We have spent the last 16 years involved with our schools (North Georgetown, Georgetown Middle, Sussex Central High). As I looked around the field, I didn’t see just a mass of people. I saw classmates of Asher’s we had grown fond of, teachers we had become friends with, administrators we had walked through problems with. The voice in my head clearly said, “This isn’t just a mass of people… these are your friends…this is your place… this is your life.”

 

Unwittingly, this is what Asher and the rest of our kids have given us. They built friendships, got involved, helped their peers. They opened the door for us. If not for them, this would not BE our lives.

 

As I scanned the field, off to the side one of our daughters stood with her husband (also a SCHS graduate). They had been members of the band back in the day, and joined the band at graduation to play a couple of songs for the ceremony. Sarah has just been hired to teach Art in our high school. Occasionally our band director will call on adults to fill in a slim section of instruments during a concert. Hopefully, our daughter and her husband can fill that role once in a while.

 

All those thoughts came together and the voice in my head spoke again. It said “You and Tina are not done here yet.” ... Wait… what? What does that even mean? I’m sure it will become clear as we make the transition to this slightly new season in life, just as it will become clear to Asher what his path shall be, and just as it becomes clear what the paths of our other children will be, one step at a time. This is family. This is life.

 

(Thanks Ben Ables for the picture.)

Memorial Day

Interesting how our memories are shaped by events in our impressionable years. Don’t believe me?  Just listen to the favorite stories people tell.  They are often from those years.

From the time I was 16 until I was 20, Memorial Day marked the first busy weekend of the summer restaurant season in Fenwick Island, Delaware.  It also marked the unofficial beginning of summer, although we typically had a couple of weeks of school left. The weeks prior to that weekend would be a short season of getting back into the routine, of new employees learning the job, of preparing for a 3 month endless barrage of long lines of vacationers.

At the time, we simply saw this as a means to an end – a way to make money to help with our education and important things like gas so we could scoot around in our cars with our girlfriends.  However, we were in the service industry, and while we were serving to earn an income, nevertheless we were serving.

What we didn’t comprehend at the time was that our elders were shaping our character during those impressionable years.  If we were fortunate (like I was), those folks understood the responsibility they had in that work.  They understood that we weren’t all just doing a job - we were learning to contribute, to work together, sometimes with people we didn’t even like.

It took me a while to understand the value in this work, and by a while, I mean like a majority of my adulthood.  It was much later in life before I understood the value of service, before I came to the realization that it is one of the greatest (if not the greatest) things we can do. We start this work as a youth, perhaps in a restaurant, and we continue it for the rest of our lives in one way or another.

Service.  That is really the heart of what we celebrate today. On this day in particular, we remember those who served at the expense of their own lives.  It is an aspiration we can all aspire to – to serve, without regard for our own lives, for the betterment of those around us.  Most of us won’t give to the extent of those men and women we remember today, but all of us can give.

THAT is at least one takeaway from Memorial Day.  We don't simply remember what those folks gave, we remember what they taught us, and we live in the light of that memory. For that, we have many to thank.

Lessons from Pole Vaulting

On March 3, 2021, Asher competed in the Delaware Interscholastic Athletic Association Indoor Track & Field Championships in Dover, Delaware.  His event is pole vaulting.  This is Asher's fourth year of pole vaulting - four years of Spring Track and Field, and two years of Winter Track and Field.  

There's a backstory involving Asher's involvement in the sport. When he first decided he wanted to do something in Track and Field, he had a few friends who pole vaulted, and encouraged Asher to try it.  It seems that once he did, he was hooked.  He enjoyed the challenge, but just as much, I suppose he enjoyed being with these friends and working together, and work he did.

Nothing about pole vaulting is natural, the best I can tell.  Sprinters and distance runners have basically been doing that their whole lives.  No one has tried to hurl themselves over a bar using a pole in their growing up years, to my recollection. There are a great number of things that must happen in rapid succession to get over the bar, including laying back upside down in a very unnatural position as the pole bends beneath your weight.  There's no shortcut to success - just jump after jump. So Asher jumped, and he jumped.

This past winter, Asher decided it would be good to build some upper body strength, so he started working out with a different friend who he worked with during the summer.  Night after night he skipped dinner and drove to the friend's home, and they worked together to build strength.  Meanwhile, they built their relationship. He would eat alone after getting home.

His friends graduated last year, so for Winter track, Asher was on his own mostly as he trained.  Only he wasn't always alone, as those friends would show up to coach him.  As the seasoned Senior pole vaulter, he did what he could to help younger students as they learned the art.  I don't think anyone had to tell him to do this... he took it upon himself.  

This is the beauty of sports - it isn't so much the act itself, it is the effort put forth, the perseverance, the relationships built.  It is why colleges love to see students who have participated in athletics - they understand that these students have proven themselves to be willing to push, to work with others, and to value friendship.

The backstory to Asher's pole vaulting is this - it is  mostly about relationships. 

On March 3, 2021, Asher placed first.  He became the DIAA State Champion, and was named to the Indoor Track and Field 1st All-State Team.