The Adventures of the Superhero Formerly Known as HandyMan, Chapter 7

After the incident which inspired this blog entry occurred and I had posted it, I introduced the homeowner to my blog.  I don't typically do this, but since she was our neighbor and good friend, I thought she would enjoy it, which she did. 

While I was there last week (the week of August 26, 2013) looking at some other work she and her husband wanted done, she commented about my lack of blog entries since this one (there was one lonely entry between this one written on May 28 and today, September 5, 2013.)

A couple of days ago, Debra died suddenly from what may have been a pulmonary embolism.  She was about 60 years of age, and in good health.

Our whole family loved Debra and will miss her.  She loved to tell interesting stories, and I think she would appreciate the re-posting of this one in her honor.

The morning started out with a rain shower, so Stupendously Content Man rode down to Seaford to pick up some supplies for another job.  By the time he was finished, the rain had dissipated, so he headed to a job he was trying to finish up.  He only had a day or so left on this large project which involved metal roofing.  There were multiple roofs covering the house and its various additions.

Stupendously Content Man was very eager to finish up this job.  It meant that 1) he could get paid for the work and 2) he could check it off his to-do list, as the job had been drawn out, and he was eager to mark it completed.  So motivated by items one and two, Stupendously Content Man climbed the ladder which was leaned up on the side of a shed style roof.  He surveyed the surface.  It had stopped raining, but the roof was wet.  The pitch was only moderate, and could easily be walked on under dry conditions.  He was uncertain about how much the dampness would affect his footing, so he cautiously put one foot down.  It held without a problem.  He moved off the ladder and placed the other foot down, and found it to be holding firm.  Satisfied with his analysis of the situation, he started the ascent to the area where he needed to finish off the last couple of pieces of roofing.

The Perilous 8 foot drop.

At about the third step, it became apparent that Stupendously Content Man's analysis of the footing situation was, in fact, incorrect.  Suddenly he was on his butt, and his ascent quickly turned into descent down the metal roof and towards a perilous 8 foot drop to the ground.

The normal course of action in this situation would have been to whip out your cordless drill, place a screw into the hex bit, and screw one's shirt sleeve, pant cuff, or, in the absence of either, one's own hand into the surface of the roof.  Unfortunately, the drill was the first thing dropped, and was already mid-air between the edge of the roof and the ground.

So, with cat-like reflexes, as Stupendously Content man slid past the aforementioned ladder, he twisted his body so as to be able to grab the ladder which, due to the fortunate foresight of Stupendously Content Man, had been secured with two screws to prevent it from sliding away from its position.

At this point, Stupendously Content Man made the decision to return to the ground, and continued working on tasks which could be performed from the safety of a step ladder.  Upon his return home to his wife, he described the incident, and she replied "Did you put a dent in the roof?"

The Adventures of HandyMan, Chapter 6

HandyMan Changes His Name

The evening I wrote this out, a friend of mine was writing about difficulties his family was having in the adoption of a young girl.  That next morning, I realized I was writing this frivolity while he was writing about heartbreak.  Nevertheless, I've decided to go ahead and post this.

On the surface, this is a complete waste of space.  Below the surface, it is one way I battle the doldrums.  I'm not sure what makes me think anyone else would like to read it, except that one friend has told me he gets a kick out of it.  

If you do bother to read on, here are a few clues:  1) Sarcasm, 2) Bad theology, and 3) Sarcasm.

And one final note - The HandyMan series is based on actual, although not verbatim, conversations, which actually help with my state of mind.  Otherwise I wouldn't have them.




Handyman had sunk into the pit of self-analysis, again.   In a moment of weakness, he let his guard down and unintentionally divulged his state of mind to a friend.

HandyMan to Friend:  Do you have dreams, as in aspirations?

Friend: These days?  Not really.  But I am in survival mode and not able to look to the future much.

HM:  We need to learn to live our dreams while in survival mode.

Friend:  Lately, I'm content to complete the routine stuff.  The bar is much lower but I'm still not doing that well.

HM:  Perhaps the bar is different, but not lower.  Maybe dreams are for the unrealistic and irresponsible.

Friend:  I think your unfulfilled dreams weigh on you a lot.  I don't think they bother me as much.

HM:  Yea... I am so DONE with carrying that weight as of RIGHT NOW.  Survival mode all the way from now on.

Friend:  I think that is like trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

HM:  I'm done thinking about.  The bootstraps are going to work.

Friend:  That's good to hear.  Tell me how it goes so I can do that when I'm in need.

HM:  You may have to remind me what you are talking about because I am so done with it I will have forgotten.  Please address me as "Mr. Content in All Things" from now on.

Friend:  Wow!  How do you stay so positive?

...Time passes... perhaps a full five minutes...

HM:  You won't believe the change I've had.  It's a miracle!  I LOVE my present, past, and future life.

Friend:  I'm impressed!  I could never be that content.

HM:  It's the new me.  "Impressive" is my new middle name.

Friend:  Amazing!

HM:  Gonna be hard to keep track of all my new names.  How about "Mr. Unbelievable" for short?

Friend:  Or "Mr. Incredible"?

HM:  Already taken.  "Stupendous Man", "Mr. OMG", or "Awesome Boy" all work.

...A day later, while working outside, in the rain, chilled to the bone...

HM:  Mr. Stupendously Content is thankful for the rain.

Friend:  Uh... me too?

HM:  Mr. Stupendously Content is going to have another ridiculously stupendous day.

Friend:  In the rain.

HM:  Amazing isn't it?  When will it end?

Friend:  I never realized the bootstrap thing would work!

...A day later...

HM:  Have I mentioned how lovely everything is lately?

Friend:  You will have to give me the code for lovely.  Does it equal "crappy"?

HM:  Stupendously Content Man has abandoned the lowest form of wit (sarcasm), and only speaks sincerely now like a good normal Christian.

Friend: I hate Stupendously Content Man.

HM:  Yes, as with all perfect people, he is irritating.  Can I change my superhero name from HandyMan?  "Stupendously Content Man" is so much more appropriate now.

And thus, the name stuck, and HandyMan, in a mighty tug of superhuman strength on his bootstraps, becomes  "Stupendously Content Man".

The Adventures of HandyMan, Chapter 5

HandyMan vs. Unrest and Lack of Freedom

A friend sent a communication to the handy HandyMan handset device.  “If we were in college right now, we would be prepping for finals, and salivating for summer break… at the beach.  How lucky were we?”

“How about no more lucky than summer with our own kids?

As is often the case, these brief comments drove HandyMan into pondering mode.  He added to the conversation:  “I wonder if those college years are just a taste of what is always meant to be.  Of course, the responsibilities are piled on, but is that sense of rest and freedom to continue?”  By "rest and freedom" , HandyMan was referring to the fact that at the end of every school year, a season of refreshing ensues, as the stress of school is gone.  A sense of freedom overwhelms you on the last day of classes.

This, not surprisingly, was an idea so outrageous that the friend had trouble even imagining such a world.  “I honestly don’t know how to hang on to that same level of calm freedom as an adult." 

But HandyMan would not be discouraged from dreaming.  “I suppose it takes a miracle.  I think this is what faith is about.  It would be a miracle to live in that youthful freedom and rest, wouldn’t it?  I want that kind of miracle.”

“Yea, me too.”

And so Handyman and his friend agreed that freedom and rest in the current circumstances, typified by the summers of one’s youth, was a condition of the soul which they both would like to have.  Perhaps unrealistic, but nevertheless, it was a fantastic idea. 

There were things they attempted to do to achieve this – prioritizing, organizing, and trying to keep everyday responsibilities in perspective.  Their efforts were valiant, but they both knew that as adults with families, this was not an easy task.  

Despite his superior organizational skills and determination, HandyMan did not live in that world on a continuous basis.  

The effort to live there would tap the sum total of HandyMan's super powers.  And then, he would still fall short.  Indeed, it would take a miracle of Biblical proportions.  It would take a superhero greater than HandyMan to live such a stupendous life.

The Adventures of HandyMan, Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Psychoanalysis of HandyMan

In the interest of Illumin-Girl's superhero education, HandyMan shared this information:

"I think the desire to create humor and the pleasure I receive from that is a gift God gave me to deal with the blues.  Actually being humorous is not required.  It is the effort which is important."

"Does that mean I helped you realize that with my superpowers, or did you do that on your own?"

"Out of courtesy, we will say you helped."

"Gee, thanks.  I think as a superhero you want to be the only one in the spotlight." 

This, of course, was a misrepresentation of HandyMan, although he did have a secret craving to be in the spotlight on occasion, which he constantly had to suppress.  He continued on with Illumin-Girl's education.  "In the second grade my parents took me to a counselor, suspicious I was suffering from depression as a result of a broken arm.  The counselor said they should get me a dog."

Dead silence from Illumin-Girl.  She was apparently busy processing this new information through her medically oriented mind.  HandyMan pressed on in his straight-to-the-point style. "That was not a joke.  Illumin-Girl has to learn to be able to handle the truth."

"I'm assuming some idiot with a degree suggested a dog would actually fix depression... hope they didn't have to pay him much."

"Actually, he said I wasn't depressed, but just needed cheering up.  We did get a dog, a yappy Chiguagua, which, ironically,  put us all on edge and nearly drove the whole family crazy.  But I was allergic to it, so we traded it in for a Schwinn banana seat bike, and I was fixed."

There were details of the counselor story which HandyMan spared from Illumin-Girl.  While he had gone into the counseling session with a simple case of bad cheer, he had been given a Rorschach test, and almost fell into depression due to his lack of ability to precisely identify the exact thing which each ink blot was meant to represent.  HandyMan was very precise, even at the young age of eight.

But that is more than enough sharing about HandyMan's personal life.  All that is in the past now, but is a brief explanation of one of the many reasons for his bizarre behavior.

The Adventures of HandyMan, Chapter 3

 Chapter 3

Sidekick Gets a Name

It was just an ordinary day for HandyMan.  He stood on a frosty roof at 7:45 in the morning, the temperature a cool 28 degrees - as cold as - well, it was very cold.  He wondered about the likelihood of sliding off the roof and impaling himself on the cast iron fence below. 

As though this was not enough on his plate, he was summoned by Yet to be Named Sidekick.

"I want my name to have something to do with truth... it's not always pretty but I call it like I see it... in myself and in others."

In a moment of weakness he said "I am too stinking cold to do superpower work right now."

"Illumin-girl would tell you to ignore me under the circumstances."

"Illumin-girl, huh? It has a nice humble tone.... Why not "God's Gift to Man Girl"?

"Mmmmm. That has a nice ring to it.  So, when do we begin fighting?...uh... what are we fighting?  Evil, status quo, injustice?"

"All of the above.  We started yesterday.  You weren't paying attention."

"How did I miss it?  I thought you were changing and would get back to me"  Illumin-girl was referring to a superhero situation she had raised the previous day.  HandyMan had told her he would need to change into his superhero suit, and would get back to her later with a solution.  He informed her that this could take some time, given the difficulty of the problem.  But Illumin-girl failed to notice that Handyman cleverly addressed the question by the end of the day, and we pick up the conversation there...

"HandyMan worked it all out without you even being aware of it.  Case resolved, although you didn't even sense an immediate improvement in the situation.  That's the beauty of it."

In fact, that was the beauty of HandyMan's work.  His solutions were usually methodical, and thus slow in coming.  (In this case, the "changing into my suit" excuse was just a ruse.) The solutions crept up on the situation, and then pounced on them like a lion. Yet, paradoxically, in the face of the overwhelming brilliance of it all, it often took some time for the solution to dawn on the recipient.  To their eyes, it may not look like a solution at all.

It was at this point that HandyMan realized that Illumin-girl may need more superhero sidekick training than he had realized.  But at least she had a name now.

The Adventures of HandyMan, Chapters 1 & 2

The following script will appear uninteresting to a large majority of the human race.  If you find yourself to be one of those people, just skip the reading of it, and any future postings titled "The Adventures of HandyMan", as you will never be able to recover the few minutes of your life you wasted.  Of course, you won't know that until you start, so you will have to take your chances.

If you DO chose to read it, then it will help to know that it is a conversation, with every line changing speakers, for the most part.  The narrator occasionally speaks to add critical information.

Chapter 1 
The Birth of a Superhero

It started, innocently enough, with some information from my customer/friend telling me that a painter would be at her house working during the next week (This is a house which formerly belonged to her parents).  She was informing me in case I wanted to stop by and check the progress while I was in the area.

ME:  “Have I been promoted to head handyman/overseer of your mom’s house?  I am really moving up in the world.”

“Well, you have always been number one with me in those ranks, far exceeding any others.”

“I just wish I had a cool, unforgettable name, like “Mr. Tweedle.””  (Mr. Tweedle is the actual name of an older and very competent man who did work at the house.)

“How about BATMAN? (my initials are B.A.T.) That’s COOL.  That new truck of yours should have been black.”

“You may be on to something.  I sort of have a Batman – save the world and correct injustice - mentality, cleverly hidden in the persona of a handyman.  He also has a dark side, and tends to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.  You are brilliant.”

Then a realization struck.  “Oh my goodness.  I’m a superhero, and didn’t know it.”

Chapter 2

Superhero Gets a New Name, and The Birth of a Sidekick

I felt the need to share this new information with another friend, who I knew would appreciate hearing about my new realization.  “I just had an epiphany.  With my initials, my dark side, my tendency to carry the world on my shoulders and fight injustice… I’m a superhero, and didn’t know it.  AND I sort of look like Christian Bale.”

“I can't say I see the resemblance.”  This comment was missing the point.

“I don’t care about superficial stuff like looks.  What about my superhero qualities?”

“Well, I haven’t seen you fly but I know you can make a mean ice cream pie.”

“You are not encouraging AT ALL.  You are not on your game today.  I want to hear how I can indeed save the world.”

“I have no doubt you can save the world and look like Christian Bale while you are doing it.  How’s that?”

“Fine, except I had to drag it out of you.  You know the saying “With great power comes great responsibility?”  I’m going to need some help in the responsibility department.  Are you up to it?”

“Can I have a cape and mask too?”

“You are really hung up on appearances.  You may need some remedial training before coming onto the superhero team.”

“Where’s the attitude of a superhero without a cape and mask?”

“You’re HOPELESS.  Superhero work is about the heart and inward attitude.  Do I have to splain EVERYTHING?”

“Guess that’s why I am still only a sidekick.”

“You will learn, grasshopper.”

“Maybe.”

“This is why it is so detrimental for our families to gather so infrequently, not just to us, but to the world."

After some pondering on my part...  "I think I need a fresh name as a superhero.  Batman has been taken.  I'm thinking "HandyMan"".   Has a nice ring, doesn't it? “

“I thought you hated being called a handyman.”

“This is a different context altogether.  I may like it now since it denotes
my superhero status.”

And thus was born HandyMan and his yet to be named sidekick, dark fighters of injustice with attitudes, hidden in the unassuming personas of an ordinary jack of all trades and an occupational therapist.  The adventure begins.

Addendum

The History of Handymen
(Which is not to imply that I am one.)

Yet to be named Sidekick did in fact state the truth in the comment "I thought you hated being called a handyman".  The reasons for this are common knowledge to most people.  This quote is taken directly from Wikipedia:  "Generally the job of paid handyman is low status, a semi-skilled labor job. It's a less prestigious occupation than a specialist such as a plumber, electrician, or carpenter. "

However, in the same paragraph from which the above quote was taken, Wikipedia also states "Handyman tools sometimes become useful in different places: for example, when a proper neurological drill was not available, an Australian doctor used a handyman's drill in 2009 to open a hole in the head of a 13-year old boy to relieve pressure after a brain injury; the boy's life was saved."  This is proof that handymen are more important than commonly thought, and that I was not, in fact, the first handyman superhero.