I have a few people I communicate frequently with in texted conversations. During those conversations, we sort out the important things about our lives, and other people's lives as well. I wondered what one of these conversations would look like all written out, to behold in all it's glory.
What you see here is basically one of those conversations. A few lines have been deleted to aid in the clarity, but the content remains unchanged.
You may see some details which beg elaboration, such as hints about our band. Elaboration may or may not be offered by request.
Disclaimer. A version of this conversation without the cursing is not available.
BRENT: “I post something on Facebook about a near death experience, and get a crap ton of comments.
Conclusion: people enjoy a post about me nearly dying.”
BILL: “They thought it might be their last chance.”
BRENT: “Funny thing about Facebook posts... I have no ability to predict response.
"That’s probably why I am not popular on Facebook."
"Or anywhere else.”
BILL: “It may have nothing to do with your posts. They throttle views so not everyone sees your posts.”
BRENT: “I don’t think that’s it.”
“People just want to see me do stupid sh$#.”
BILL: “You should try to accidentally kill yourself once a week and monitor the responses.”
BRENT: “Excellent plan.”
“Like Super Dave, only it’s Super Brent.”
BILL: “Leprechaun Brent.”
BRENT: “That doesn’t ring.”
“Super Brent.”
“Stupendous Brent.”
“Stupendously Stupid Brent.”
“Brent, The Stupendously Stupid Leprechaun.”
“And His Sidekick Billy.”
“You probably never aspired to be a sidekick”
BILL: “Not true.”
BRENT: “So I can lead the band?”
“I can be your Glenn Frey?”
BILL: “Well, you’re killing it so far”
BRENT: “I’m in the planning stage.”
“All great bands have a planning stage.”
“Otherwise they end up going off in the wrong direction. This is what happened to Air Supply. Poor planning.”
“I am here to bring happiness to your life.”
“Is it working?”
BILL: “I always wondered what happened to Airbnb Supply.”
BILL: “Ha. That’s a great spellcheck. I think we have our band name.”
BRENT: “I thought it was on purpose and lolled.”
BILL: “It will be a great story when we’re famous and 60 Minutes asks you how we got our name.”
BRENT: “Airbnb…”
“Tina just pointed out “bnb”! Brent -n- Bill. I missed that detail. “
“You are much smarter than I am.”
BILL: “Ha I didn’t think of that either.”
“Can Tina be our manager?”
BRENT: “She’s great at organizing. And the green room food would be awesome.”
BILL: “You share these goofy texts with other human beings?”
BRENT: “If I laugh out loud and feel the need to splain.”
BILL: “In other words, not often.”
BRENT: “I often share Bill highlights with her.”
“As they occur.”
“Otherwise I look insane.”
BILL: "Hippo violation."
BRENT: “Only applies to health care, and it’s HIPPA.”
“Not associated with hippopotamus’s at all.”
“Unless you mean what happens when a hippopotamus runs too fast down a street and gets a ticket.”
BILL: "I won’t be reading that to (unnamed spouse)."
BRENT: “Yeah. Save yourself the embarrassment.”
“I wish I had started saving “best of” texts years ago.”
BILL: “They probably are only funny in the moment. In context.”
BRENT: “This is mostly true. But if they were arranged sequentially the reader may get the context.”
“I could make it work.”
“Then nobody would read it.”
“Unless I almost died.”
“Apparently there will be a lot of comments at my funeral.”
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