We just held a small private memorial service for my brother Dean. Four of us shared a few brief comments. I finished up with these thoughts:
When you get to be my age, you end up going to a lot of funerals. Because of that, and because of my own age, I have thought a lot about what my own funeral will be like. If I could attend, I would.
So what would I want shared at my own funeral? I’ve thought about that, too. Just yesterday, I was chatting with a friend, and I quickly listed four things I would hope were said at my funeral about my life. I told this friend that I already have these things in my mind… they are already things I aspire to. So if nobody mentions them, it was all just talk. It wasn’t who I was, it was just who I wanted to be.
But today isn’t about me, it’s about Dean.
That leads me to this: What would Dean want said today about his life. What were the things he aspired to do? And did he do those things, or was it just talk?
I’ll start with this comment… I have my own weaknesses, everyone here has their own weaknesses. That goes without being said.
But we all also have strengths. And Dean had his.
I want to point out just one. Dean had a heart for those who were struggling. It didn’t matter what the nature of the struggle was. The fact is, he felt the pain of those people.
There’s a reason Dean was good at this… a reason he could empathize with those struggling. He struggled himself. He knew what it was like to battle problems, and even to loose some battles. He had been there. He had life experience.
Anybody who knew Dean knows what I’m talking about. It’s already been mentioned. But I’ll give you another example. Years ago Dean wanted us to go over to Baltimore with him. He had prepared these paper bags with a few items… a sandwich, some socks, some gloves. Then we walked, and he would spot people he suspected were homeless. He was usually right. He knew those items would be valuable to those folks. He knew, because he had been there.
Dean could have taken that life experience and done nothing good with it. Instead, I think he probably did what I started with a minute ago…he wondered what would be said about him when he was gone. I think he said to himself “I want people to remember me as an encourager, as someone who, without judgment, walked beside broken people, and maybe even made a difference.
Thank you Dean. You did.
